You can blame p1ut0for
whatever fuck is goin on here. The setup of this blog is a rip-off frm cDc
and the posts that consort it hv been inspired by whatever shit i can roll my
eyes over (including my specs). i, normally go by many names, p1ut0 being my
alias here on this crappy bloggin world. alrite, quite many things abt me. This space'd
be treated as more my own personal home page than nething else, feel free to
post comments here or better still redirect them to /dev/null. And if u think
that u can eat whatever shit, I hurl at you dont forget to bookmark this page.
use Ctrl-D. If you have any questions, please feel free to
email me. If you have a bug up your ass and want to give me some shit or want to complain
because u find this weblog too vulgar, then u can visit me at www.worldsex.com
at the hardcore section and find myself alongside ur sis n mom. I reiterate,
PRUDES KEEP AWAY. Statutory Warning: This is an anti-semitic/nihilistic
site.
Rate cIs on BlogHop.com!
Please
do gimme a 5!! pls pls!! badly need it, my ratings are being sabotaged by aliens who are hell bent upon killing blogs frm
earth. so pls gimme a 5 and vote for mother Earth over those fuckin aliens :-)
help?
Pedigrees
Has the cIs blog inspired you to create your OWN blog? Has it filled you with a desire to go out and create a blog full of beauty and sparkly magic? Or has it driven you to create your own blog full of bile, bitterness, and bad sportsmanship?
Either way, check out BlogTree. It lets you view and enter your own "pedigrees" of blogs. Kinda
cool.
Statement of Audience
I realize that nothing I say matters to anyone else on the entire planet. My
opinions are useless and unfocused. I am an expert in nothing. I know nothing. I
am confused about almost everything. I cannot, as an individual, ever possibly
know everything, or even enough to make editorial commentary on the vast vast
majority of things that exist in my world. This is a stupid document; it is
meaningless drivel that I do not expect any of the several billion people on my
planet to actually read. People who do read my rambling, incoherent dumbfuckery
are probably just as confused as I am, if not moreso, as they are looking to my
sorry ass for an opinion when they should be outside playing Frisbee with their
dog or screwing their life partner or getting a dog or getting a life partner.
Anyone who actually takes the time to read my bullshit probably deserves to
ingest my fucked up and obviously mistaken opinions on whatever it is that I
have written about.
Recondite
Cerebraldumps, Bombastic Declamations, Gauche Animadversions,
Vitriolically Truculent Reviews and Witticisms by a Pertinaciously
Blighted mind.
CULT OF THE
INVERTED SLIPPERS
Celebrating Death!!
Sunday, July 04, 2004
My Official (and Unofficial) Woes
I feel like an alien nowadays. Sitting alongside MCA fucktards and information junkies, putting up forced smiles. Even college was better. At least i cud greet those i didnt like with expletives there. Scourge of professionalism!! Huh!! To add to that i got an over-inquisitive batch. Fuck' em. Cant you keep your dumb questions confined to your head. Why flaunt your stupidity. Sometimes i fuckin feel like kicking their bollocks up their kidneys!!
I hate Databases and here i am required to work on that. :( Seems like its time to learn something constructive. Working in ANSI C/Borland C++, Socket programming and dreaming of breaking into the secured of all systems doesnt make you a programmer. You need to follow the pack, learn MS 'dumb' technologies. My first reaction was, heck!! get out of here. But now, may be i'll stay. Get some DB up my sleeve and give the networking guys a tough time later. Paise ke liye saala kuch bhi karega.
My internet was down for the Nth time. After running day in and night out, i decided to dump my service provider. Sify's better, cheaper too.
Read this article that debates the existence of Troy and Trojan War. Recent excavations reveal that there could be a link between ruins at Troy and the Trojan War documented in Homer's Illiad. Talking about Homer, the similarity between Illiad and Ramayana is really striking. Abduction of the lead character (Helen/Sita) by the villian. Anyway, over to Ramayana, there are several versions of it. But still its Valmiki's that is believed to be true. Some of these versions even potray Ram as a casteist Brahmin and Ravana as a just ruler. Even Valmiki's Ramayana doesnt give any other incident apart from Sita's abduction where Ravana had been unjust. Another thing that befuddles me is the similarity amongst Old European and sanskrit words and customs. Satan/shaitan, Walpurgis/Lohri to name a few.
ORACLESPEAK : The good die young......................can God be an exception??
College's over. In fact it was over weeks back. The feeling of being free has sunk now. As have the calls from nostalgic friends. "I am missing college", "those were the best days" and things like that. Nostalgia has always been alien to me. One of those kinds who dont like to look into the past. Yea, i was blessed with some great friends which is quite unnatural for me, cuz am mostly taken as arrogant, haughty, insouciant and sometimes even introverted. Anyway, college taught me a lot. I'll never fear hell again.
Although, something that i do miss is my daily dose of Haryanvi. Kick arse language, certainly not for the prudes. Well, i never liked it initially. But then those were my prudish years. Plus i've learned one truth, no language is bad.
And yes, a word on the dumb delhi [l]asses. Use your f-words in public and they go like, "hey, how cool", "he doesnt give a heck to anyone"!! And try using the mildest of expletives in haryanvi, and u get "sheh! how uncivilised"!! Huh, they and their pathetic civic standards. So the next time you're trying to woo a buttilicious babe, check your haryanvi quotient a bit.
Talking about languages, i translated some phrases to Hindi for google toolbar, some days back. The translation is open and available for other languages as well here. Some freaks had even translated the URL addresses to hindi. Like "Or report a problem here: BEGIN_LINK http://toolbar.google.com/feedback.htmlEND_LINK" to "Ya kisi samasya ke liye: BEGIN_LINK http://upkarnasoochi.google.com/hameinlikhe.htmlEND_LINK chuniye"!! Seems like the folks at google are going to have a tough time ahead.
Bathory master Quorthon is dead. Was found dead on 7th June. He was only 39. A man who has had more or less the same influence over Black Metal as Schuldiner had over Death Metal. Needless to say, he will be missed. Great musician, although his lyrics were sometimes over-infested with Satan. When will the nihilists learn that true nihilism is not in denying God and worshipping Satan, but denying both as well as other non-physical entities.
Today is one of those few days when a delhi morning seems refreshing. Thank the drizzle. I like the smell that emanates from water falling over dry sand. Anyway, wait till monsoon strikes and then it will be replaced by the stench of standing water!! Its morning and i'm yet to go to bed......
ORACLESPEAK : Trust is a slut. Sleeps with everyone, and when its time to engender says she's on pill.
First hurdle crossed and knowing myself as much i do, thats half the job done. Still, 3 more hurdles down the line though. By the end of it all, was already feeling half a software analyst. Two complete days of requirements - definition and analysis, validation, verification, statistical and defect - testing and all that shit had corroded my mind for sure. Anyway all is well that passes well (and it is great if it scores as well, otherwise it is hell).
There's a new trend going on at the college. Give ur friend a handshake, then then turn around his hand to see his index finger. if (ink) {let go} else tirade
tirade = "its because of ppl like you that congress comes to power, we'll be ruled by a foreigner" and all that regular shit....
First things first. Am anti-BJP, and even more am anti-Congress and anti-left!! Anti-BJP cuz of its communal policies, leaders like Murli Manohar Joshi, Pramod Mahajan and to an extent Advani also. Anti-Congress cuz they're such a pack of pretenders (they talk like they've never had communal riots in their tenure) and they seriously lack leadership balls. It always befuddles me how come 2 of its very young and promising leaders Scindia and Pilot died in crashes?? And that too in quick succession, then there was the Jogi incident just before the elections. Yes back to the leadership thingie, NDA had some good leaders in Jaitley, Jaswant, Fernandes, Chandrababu Naidu et al. Shourie was ok too, but Far right!! And congress's got chickens like Manmohan Singh, Pranab Mukherjee, K Natwar and lead by the Chicken queen Sonia Gandhi. I'll not count upon state leaders as they'll be busy servicing (or looting) their respective states. Manmohan Singh may be the best Finance minister India had in recent times (Yashwant sux, so did Chidambaram, Jaswant - no comments - he held office in the election year) but no great leader. C'mon how many elections has he won?? The last that he contested he lost, dunno if he contested this time around (i guess, no)!! So get ready to see Mayawati as the External Affairs minister, Laloo Yadav as Law minister (make no mistake, he's got an LLB to boot) and Mulayam Singh Yadav as Defence Minister!!
And yes the big thing, Sonia Gandhi as PM. Gosh!! i can hear screams already!! FUCK OFF you pseudo nationalists!! When Dosanjh holds office in BC, Canada. When Bobby Jindal contests for Louisiana governorship. When Chaudhri becomes PM of Fiji, u ppl rejoice at the indian diaspora spreading its wings. And when its ur turn to pay, you cry hoarse?? Fuckin hypocrites!! Bull-shit, If its respecting national boundaries that ur upto, Advani was born in Pak as is the case with many other leaders, y didnt u stop them!! And since when has place of birth become a criterion to judge people?? Slaves to the media, slaves to destiny!! Grow up!! People in urban india grow up learning forced American accents and when s'one speaks hindi in an Italian accent its a national issue!! C'mon how many non-north indians can converse in hindi without stammering?? not many!! And wats the guarantee that those who do speak in hindi, will be non-corrupt?? Personally, i'd have preferred Vajpayee as PM, but thats got to do with his leadership index being way above Sonia's.
Its not that the westerners are any better in this regard, the recent outsourcing backlash is proof to their own fucked up ideals. They talk abt opening up of farm sector in developing countries in WTO meetings and pass bills barring their companies frm outsourcing!! More on outsourcing always at Blame India Watch.
On to the rural India. Why did u vote for Sonia?? "bahu hai hamari"!! Huh!! The days of feudalism are long gone, when will u ppl wake up!! The Gandhis are real ass-lickers when it comes to pandering to the Rural India, and these ppl fail to see their games!! Way back, in the last elections. Mom just asked our maid-servant who'd she vote for?? "Kangress" came the prompt reply. "Why??". Cuz 15-20 years back, Indira Gandhi had given them khets (fields)!! God!! Seems like they've been 'Bonded' by Congress. Well, u cant really blame them, they're illiterate and poor. All they care abt is frm where they're gonna get their next meal frm. You cant teach religion to a hungry man. The BJP shud've learnt frm Vivekananda. And yes, IT's not the panacea for the rural sector as it is for the urban one. Defeat of SM Krishna and Chandrababu Naidu bears testimony to this.
Congress is really chicken to let the BJP roll with their "foreign issue". Sometimes back i just came to know that in the freedom struggle, Vajpayee had become an informer to the British and had his associate freedom fighters caught!! It cud've been a big poll issue had Congress marketed on it. Talk abt strategy. Now evryone knows that the man BJP counts upon as its Founder (shit, i forgot his name) and whose photograph was hung in the parliament had written mercy petitions to the British twice to secure his release frm Andaman prisons. I happened to see, in some newspaper (dont remember exactly which), those bollocks-lickin letters quite some time back, didnt the Congress get hold of them??
One of my friends summed it up very well. The rural India + Muslims vote for Congress, the Higher castes + the s'wat corporate India is pro-Bjp but they hardly go to vote, and that turned out to be BJP's nemesis!! Such a pity that 57 years unto independence, the voters've still got castes and classes in their minds!!
Alrite, now that Congress is here, i just hv some requests. One (to Sonia), Keep Laloo, Mayawati, Govinda, Somnath Chatterjee etc. out of the cabinet. Two (to the left parties), pls keep out of the Govt., we know ur secular but we dont need ur leftist ideologies. Pls let Manmohan Singh function properly, and Pls dont scoff at disinvestment, the sensex has already been humped.....
ORACLESPEAK (on to a lighter vein): Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.
PS: Very long post indeed, and that too in the middle of exams. Betta run for my books!!
[Bill Gates and Julia Roberts at bed after having sex]
Bill Gates: Now i know, why ppl call you 'pretty woman'!!
Julia Roberts: And now i know why ppl call you 'micro,soft'!!
Seems like Bill Gates heard that one and is preparing for the release of 'LONGHORN' OS, aimed at corporate computing. Hear (or rather, read) the Microsoft executives drool over Longhorn.
Windows has been hit by Sasser worm. At least 4 variants of the worm have been identified. Sasser.A and Sasser.B infect unpatched versions of 2000/XP by establishing a remote connection to the targeted computer, installing an FTP server and installing itself onto the computer. The vulnerability, i guess, is in some LSASS service for which the patch can be downloaded at the Microsoft site. Quite identical to Blaster, that used the same vulnerability in RPC service, infecting the svchost.exe. The sasser worm is believed to be programmed by the same ppl who wrote Netsky.
Talking about Netsky, i get these mails everyday in my bulk mail folder @ yahoo that contain Netsky.D virus. So, one day i just tweaked out the headers and ran some hackneyed commands to find out that the spammer is an australian dial-up account (domain optusnet.com.au). Huh!! it gives u some amount of pleasure to know that someone's trying so desperately to nuke you, all the way frm Australia ;-) And a couple of days back, i got a mail from a friend's ID that again contained Netsky.D and also came from the same domain. OMG!! just asked him to check his computer!!
To make the systems secure, Microsoft has urged users to activate the Internet Connection Firewall (ICF) in XP. Right-click Network places - properties - right click lan/dial-up connection - properties - advanced tab - check 'Protect my comp....'. If you got a server, change the advanced settings (services) there. However, tis better to use some genuine firewall lik norton. I've been using XP ICF for almost a month now, and all it does is make some logs. Hardly drops any packets.
For the past month or two, my computer has been a real pain in the arse. All of them hardware problems. Its not that software problems (usual OS and scumware problems) dont bug me, but just that i do sort them out more often than not. To start with, just last month my monitor broke down that put me back by a 1000 Rs. Then, there's this problem with my power cable which is slightly loose. So i've to be careful not to hit my CPU or the cable breaks down. Plus, there's the problem sometimes at boot-up time. Windows XP shows a Blue screen of death pointing to some messing of the IRQs. Some research later, came to the conclusion that my VGA's the culprit. However, i've managed a weird workaround this one. Just when the XP is starting up, i send down a stream of <return> keypresses. The result is that m not pestered by the blue screen but sometimes my mouse gets disabled and i have to reconnect its port (with care so as not to shake my power cable). .........btw, who r u calling mad..........Huh!! when i was a kid i once asked mom that why are their specialists for every body part, but no for ear, nose and throat. Instead they're summed up in an ENT specialist. And she explained me that the ear, nose and throat they're all connected. I guess, the mouse, the keyboard and the VGA are connected as well, at least on my PC!! And they've got a mom too, motherboard!! Another problem is with my Floppy drive that refuses to read my floppies most of the time. However, both VGA and floppy drive (courtesy mount/umount) work fine in Linux. But linux's plagued by problems of its own. My internet service provider (no fuckin Dial-up) doesnt support Linux clients :-(( Anyway, linux may be kicking some serious Microsoft ass in Server markets but when it comes to desktops, the X-window system's got a long way to go before they can challenge MS.
Enough digital shit for today. When i'd set upon this post i had something completely different in mind, but just got carried away. Anyways, there's always the next post!!
Btw, there's this pic of the hooded Iraqi prisoner that seems to have replaced the Statue of Liberty.
ORACLESPEAK: Excessive admiration is like masturbation. It gives pleasure to only the one who indulges in it, the rest'd like to bang his head for that.
Alrite, back!! A certain sense of apathy seems to have gripped me of late. Nothing seems to be going my way and nothing seems to be going the other way either :-(
Call centre recruitment drive in the college. Last 4 years hv been terrible. Never thought, 4 years back, that i'll hv to sit for this. Lot of things hv changed, for good or for bad, time will tell!! Anyway, back to call centre. This guy, some big shark in the company, was really pathetic. Well, i've always despised HR people. Real posers (irony, huh!!). Specially in the call centre industry. Pawan becomes porn, Kamal becomes camel, and hold ur dick, Babita becomes Bobbita. Thank God there's no name like Babit or he'd hv been bobbitised!! Alrite, u need to hv that american accent, but why americanise indian names. Walked out when i cudnt take it any longer.
On the political front, George Bush has started taking baby steps back out of Iraq. Well, i dunno if Iraq can turn out to be Bush's quagmire or not but it certainly is going to give Kerry some real jitters. It'd be interesting to see wat does Kerry do, go by Democrat opinion - back out of Iraq, safeguarding american interests in the long term and reinforcing america as the land of the free and equal (or watever it sounded like). Or, hold on Iraq, safeguarding the bloated american ego. Wat really has swung public opinion is some clippings of american soldiers ridiculing iraqi prisoners. Here are the pics
Catch the whole story on Daily Mirror.
Absolute power corrupts, there can be no more apt an instance of this than the Army. Try boarding an army bogie in a train, bet u if u get down all bones intact provided ur a civilian.
Flashback to 1983, Operation Bluestar. Bidis and bottles of liquor were found in evry nook and corner of the sacred temple. Indian Govt. used Bihar and Madras regiment to smoke out the terrorists!! More on that in some later post. The cafewalla is really begging my ass to move outta here. Time to leave.
ORACLESPEAK: Uneasy lies the arse that sits on the barbed wire, u'd better jump to one side.
PS: The monitor here is really freakin me out. All kinds of radiation have penetrated my brain cells. The post here is slightly outdated. Blame it on my Internet connection refusing to come up.
The water supply in my area has been screwed up. A couple of days back a friend (who obviously lives in a different sector) told me that there had been some pipe burst in my area and the pipe water is getting mixed with sewage water. huh!! laughed at his face that time. retorted that if clean water can turn a person into a jerk like you, then i'd better have sewage water. now m realising!! had to take bath at 1 am. thats the only time u get clean water :-(( hope the situation will ameliorate asap.
Google is abt to launch gmail that offers 1 GB of data storage, way better than Yahoo(4 MB) and Hotmail(even less, 2.5 MB i guess, i hardly use hotmail). The flip side is that some consumer groups and a Californian Senator (read reactionary forces) are trying to stall it. Privacy arguments. Now what gmail does is search the mails for keywords and display Ads, mind you relevant ads, along with your mails. The catch here is that it scans the mails...... In the words of the senator "This proposal is little different from asking people to let the phone company listen in on their calls and butt in at any time to say, 'This call is brought to you by...'" ........Fuck you!! Where did you draw that analogy frm?? C'mon Gmail places ads on one side, much like a normal google search. You can choose to ignore them completely. And if you're still concerned abt privacy of your mails, why open a gmail account in the first place??? Govt. agencies like FBI already scan your mails. Just because they do it in the garb of terrorism threats doesnt make it legal...Anyway, i've more faith on Googlites than FBIites........Get the whole thing here........Another place where Google is being made to bend backwards is in its popular realm, Search. A search for the word Jew brings up an anti-semitic site jewwatch.com at the topmost position!!!
Talking abt West-asia problems, i got this picture of an american activist Rachel Corrie who last year put herself in front of an Israeli Bulldozer as an act of solidarity with the Palestinians. The driver, unfortunately, failed to see her, and ran over her....
After Yassin, the new Hamas leader Rantissi has been killed by the Israelis. Catch the whole story here. The Hamas, have however, refused to name the successor this time around, keeping it a secret. There was this story doing the rounds some time back of Ariel "Moron" Sharon being involved in a corruption case. Quite amazing, how these attacks and wars surface frm nowhere whenever a leader is caught up in tangles at home!!!
This is an account by an English activist in Falluja, Iraq. Do read the whole story. Here's an excerpt:
The doctor rushes out to meet me: “Can you go to fetch a lady, she is pregnant and she is delivering the baby too soon?”
Azzam is driving, Ahmed in the middle directing him and me by the window, the visible foreigner, the passport. Something scatters across my hand, simultaneous with the crashing of a bullet through the ambulance, some plastic part dislodged, flying through the window.
We stop, turn off the siren, keep the blue light flashing, wait, eyes on the silhouettes of men in US marine uniforms on the corners of the buildings. Several shots come. We duck, get as low as possible and I can see tiny red lights whipping past the window, past my head. Some, it’s hard to tell, are hitting the ambulance I start singing. What else do you do when someone’s shooting at you? A tyre bursts with an enormous noise and a jerk of the vehicle.
I’m outraged. We’re trying to get to a woman who’s giving birth without any medical attention, without electricity, in a city under siege, in a clearly marked ambulance, and you’re shooting at us. How dare you?
How dare you?
Azzam grabs the gear stick and gets the ambulance into reverse, another tyre bursting as we go over the ridge in the centre of the road , the sots still coming as we flee around the corner. I carry on singing. The wheels are scraping, burst rubber burning on the road.
The men run for a stretcher as we arrive and I shake my head. They spot the new bullet holes and run to see if we’re OK. Is there any other way to get to her, I want to know. La, maaku tarieq. There is no other way. They say we did the right thing. They say they’ve fixed the ambulance four times already and they’ll fix it again but the radiator’s gone and the wheels are buckled and she’s still at home in the dark giving birth alone. I let her down.
We can’t go out again. For one thing there’s no ambulance and besides it’s dark now and that means our foreign faces can’t protect the people who go out with us or the people we pick up. Maki is the acting director of the place. He says he hated Saddam but now he hates the Americans more.
And the satellite news says the cease-fire is holding and George Bush says to the troops on Easter Sunday that, “I know what we’re doing in Iraq is right.” Shooting unarmed men in the back outside their family home is right. Shooting grandmothers with white flags is right? Shooting at women and children who are fleeing their homes is right? Firing at ambulances is right?
Well George, I know too now. I know what it looks like when you brutalise people so much that they’ve nothing left to lose. I know what it looks like when an operation is being done without anaesthetic because the hospitals are destroyed or under sniper fire and the city’s under siege and aid isn’t getting in properly. I know what it sounds like too. I know what it looks like when tracer bullets are passing your head, even though you’re in an ambulance. I know what it looks like when a man’s chest is no longer inside him and what it smells like and I know what it looks like when his wife and children pour out of his house.
It’s a crime and it’s a disgrace to us all.
At last, my page seems to stabilise. The google dances have ended and i've got a 4/10 PR!!
Am thinking of sorting out p1ut0 frm the immortal hades!! i'll have to open up a new blog for that and update that too. phew!! tough ask!!
ORACLESPEAK: Credibility is a whore. Once fucked, its fucked forever.
1. Always wants you by his side
2. Says "yahan kya karega, yaar. kuch nahi rakha yahan"!!
I think i'll prefer 2.
1. Doesnt know much abt you even though he's been with you for years but is more helpful than anyone else.
2. Knows evrything abt you, knows you like the back of his hand although less helpful than 1.
i guess i'll again prefer 2.
1. Given the above things abt him, plus the fact that his nature and his tastes match yours very well.
2. There's no way his tastes can match yours. If you like music, he hates it. If you are an outright maverick, he's orthodox. If you head north, he'll move south!!
i'll still prefer 2.
And everyone says that i've got serious compatibility issues.
ORACLESPEAK: Is a friend in need, a friend in deed??
This is the transcript (yeah we do keep transcripts even here) of the judgement passed over Cleopatra's soul. It is 30 BC, and Cleopatra has committed suicide to escape the wrath of Octavius who had already killed her lover, Mark Anthony.
[Rhadamanthus, Minos I and Aecus are seated among the jury. Cleopatra is seated at the box. Hades (yes, me!!) enters, signals them to remain seated]
Hades: Cleopatra, have you been told abt the rules?? you'll have to defend yourself, while the Titan Epimetheus will root for ur stay in tartarus. any queries??
Cleopatra: where's Mark?? (Mark Anthony)
Hades: Sisyphus. (the first level of Tartarus below the Elysian Fields)
Cleopatra: i'd like to be with him.
Hades(looking stern): its not a matter of ur choice.
[Cleopatra looks hopefully towards the jury, particularly eyeing Minos I who returns the favour.The proceedings are interrupted by the entry of Amantha, an intern (no not the lewinsky type, nether-world has got its own set of interns and 'Black' House, however a stint at the white house can assure you of a place as Lucifer's intern, although there's stiff competition for the Black House internship)]
Amantha(to Hades): sir, there's a call for you.
Hades: how many times have i told you not to disturb me at the court!!
Amantha: Pardon me, o God of the under-world, but it is frm His highness Zeus.
Hades(pissed off): Goddammit!! gimme the cordless.
[yes, u got it rite. Under-world was quite advanced even back in 30 BC. Now the most natural question is - if cordless, then y not the cellphones?? stupid, u cant have underground towers]
Hades: yes Zeus, wat is it??
[Amantha leaves]
Zeus: ho pluto, yo man, how r ya doin man??
Hades: seems like you've had enough rap of late.
Zeus: fuck yeah dude, its sooo fuckin coool!!
Hades: and i can imagine the state of things to come 2000 yrs later when all these rappers would have served their term on Earth and i'll have them here in the under-world. okay, yes Zeus wat made u call me??
Zeus: oh c'mon buddy, cantcht i have a tete-a-tete with ya.
Hades(apathetic): come to the point, am in the middle of the court.
Zeus: hey dude, ud u do me a favah??
Hades(figures it all, looking towards cleopatra): Am here to do watever am are supposed to do. not the least bit less or more.
Zeus: okie, can ya send Cleos (yes, he means cleopatra) to mah place??
Hades: Impossible.
Zeus: ah c'mon now. u can have nething frm hear in reta'n. wateva u need, and yeah that fukin includes Eminem.
Hades: are u trying to bribe me??
Zeus: nay, just exchanging gifts.
Hades: thats quite unbecoming of you, Zeus. now get back to ur duties or i'll have to free up the Titans.
Zeus: r ya tryin to fuckin threaten me??
Hades: watever.
Zeus(in a menacing tone): k, c ya.
[Hades disconnects the line]
Hades(to Epimetheus): Yes, carry on.
Epimetheus(to Jury): I'd like to start rite frm the beginning.
Rhadamanthus: Permission granted.
Epimetheus: Cleopatra is guilty of killing her own brother and husband, Ptolemy XIII, with the help of Julius Caesar.
Minos I: Cleopatra, do you have to say something in your defence??
Cleopatra: Sure. Ptolemy had conspired with Pothinus, a minister, to kill me.
Epimetheus: yes, but he was quite a child then, all of 15 yrs. you cud've talked to him.
Cleopatra: i hadn't expected this. i was taken by surprise. all i cud do was run for my life. Caesar saved me and helped me.
Epimetheus: 'tis immoral to conspire with an outsider to kill ur own husband and brother.
Cleopatra: i didn't marry Ptolemy by choice. 'twas a marriage only in law. i wasnt interested in him and neither was he.
Epimetheus: ok, did u love Caesar??
Cleopatra(hesitatingly): no.
Epimetheus: so, whom do you love??
Cleopatra: only Mark.
Epimetheus: Then why Caesar??
Cleopatra: i had no choice, i had to. it was a question of saving your own people, your own kingdom. i had to sacrifice my wishes.
[there's a chuckle in the court, Hades looks towards Aecus, who's looking down, under the glass table]
Hades(knows all): Aecus, this aint a place to read comics.
Aecus: (seems like he's too involved in his comic, still looking down the table)
Hades(shouts): Aecus!!
Aecus(lifts his head, visibly shaken): huh!!
Hades: put that darned thing aside.
[Aecus removes the Archies frm under the table and keeps it by the side. There's complete silence]
Hades(to Epimetheus, in a harsh voice): Now do i have to give commands every now and then to carry on with the proceedings??
Epimetheus: Caesar saved your life, helped you get your kingdom, and you conspired with his murderer!!
Cleopatra: i didnt conspire to kill Caesar. i hadn't even met Anthony until the death of Caesar.
Epimetheus(haughtily): Stop it Cleopatra. you bewitched all the men that came your way, and hogged the throne with their help. you are a power-hungry and opportunistic woman.
Hades: Epimetheus, u need to treat Cleopatra with respect. She's been the last Egyptian pharoah.
Cleopatra: i loved Mark. i had to put up with Caesar because the situation demanded. had i not done so, i'd have been killed. Caesar would have occupied the throne frm Ptolemy who was incompetent enough to run the kingdom on his own. and then Caesar would have subdued my people, the Egyptians.
Epimetheus: you are no Oracle to have seen the future. and now, stop projecting your hunger for power as a sacrifice for Egypt.
Cleopatra: i am not.
[Rhadamanthus dozes off]
Hades(shouts): Rhadamanthus!!
Rhadamanthus(opens his eyes, is visibly embarassed): Sir!!
[Hades murmurs something and takes his eyes off Rhadamanthus]
Minos I: Epimetheus, you got any other charge against Cleopatra??
Epimetheus: Your honour, make no mistake. Cleop...
[Hades intervenes]
Hades(agitated): Epimetheus, you know how much i hate that phrase!!
Epimetheus: Pardon me.
[complete silence]
Hades(aggravated): Resume!!
Epimetheus: Your honour, Cleopatra has enchanted and later killed all the men that came in between her and the throne. her greed and lust knows no bound. i, henceforth urge the honourable Jury to ensure her stay in the lowest layers of Tartarus.
[Rhadamanthus, Minos I and Aecus discuss the case. Hades sits with his hand holding on to his forehead, looking weary]
Minos I: In view of the arguments put forth by Epimetheus and Cleopatra's defence, the Jury has come to the conclusion that Cleopatra will have to serve in Tantalus for 4 under-world years (equal to 14 Earth years) after which she'll be liable to be promoted to Sisyphus provided that she exhibits proper conduct.
[Hades calls up Charmane to ferry Cleopatra across Cocytus to Tantalus]
Hades(heaves a sigh of relief and rises up): The court is adjourned.
the past week has been quite a tiring one. 3 sessionals in 3 days, and guess wat, had to sip in some beers as well in between!! he he!! just 4 the break after the 2nd day. summers are back with all their might, the delhi sandstorms are blowing at a speed, challenged only by the rawalpindi express. do i sound drunk?? yea sure i do, the orgies hv just started and with those drunkards getting free on monday most of the nxt week'll be spent in booze n binge. gosh!! do i give you a wrong impression?? no, m not a drunkard. just puke whatever i drink!! complete teetotaller u see :p i dunno y all our preparatory leaves start on a drunk note and this being the last semester its gonna be all the more bacchanalian. i hate summers. i really do, at least as far as the Dionysus in me is concerned. u cant hv ur gins, vodkas and rums. all ur restricted to is whisky and i hate whisky. yuk!! yes, beer is cool but then again, beer is beer and the rest are quicker!! so, it'll be all abt getting drunk,dancing like assholes, playing stupid pranks, and when ur all exhausted its time to call up ur ex or better still call ur friends' GFs and speak ur heart out!! love that part!!
my bloghop ratings hv reached an all time low!! he he!! dont mind that as long as the votes keep coming in, 0 or 5 who cares. and my google's PR, it just wont pick up :-(( c'mon Mr. googlebot give a look in here, pls. and i'll give you a link as well ;-) look, i dont hv doorways, no cloaking, nothing sucha clean and cute site!!
